they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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