i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
