I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
