We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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