I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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