Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
