just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
