No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
