we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dicks are not precious.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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