I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
