She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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