Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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