he thought i was a dude.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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