I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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