I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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