Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
