She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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