Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have feelings that need drinking.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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