On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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