my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
