I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize