just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
