i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he's gonorrhea incarnate
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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