Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
