I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
