To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
