I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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