Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
