2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i will never coherently bang her
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
