If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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