It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My liver just broke up with me...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
