Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
