Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
