i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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