it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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