i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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