I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
