I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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