weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize