i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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