I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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