OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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