where am i from again
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
