Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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