He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This house was built for laser tag.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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