google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I've blown a few things in my day
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
