just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
