pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
