I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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