He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just want nice things and good sex
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize