thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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