how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
