i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
