Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize