I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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