You just made me feel so damn special
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
