Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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