Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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