We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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