just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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