Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
