it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
