cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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