I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
