were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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