dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
