If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize