I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
