he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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