The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
