I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Did I show you my penis last night?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
