omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
