OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
