why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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