I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
