it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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