eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
