The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
