You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
