I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
