i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
