when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
