I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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