Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
