did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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