i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize