and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize