She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
