I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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