Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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