this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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