You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
