he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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