if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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