Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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