Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
