Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize