remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
