Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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