something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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