buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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