Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
