I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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