These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
