it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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