Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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