plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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